Gates v. Geeks

The conclusion of this letter from Bill Gates's attorneys, written on a related matter, shows how Gates regards the lawsuit by Sun. Posted at www.the-geek.com. Name of law firm withheld pending litigation. In Re: GATES v. GEEKS Dear Mr. Deep, I am the chief partner of XXX, the law firm representing William Gates III. It has come to our attention that you may have published a book called "The Complete Geek," both in print and at a website [www.the-geek.com], which claims to be a compilation of diary entries hacked from the personal computer of one "Bill G." Of course, not having seen any evidence for such claims -- claims which though I understand the arbiter of geek taste, Wired.news, has called "B.S." -- I am unable to ascertain whether material was indeed secretly obtained from Mr. Gates's computer files. However, I am particularly concerned about several key passages in which, according to more than 4,000 e-mail messages I have so far received from our many trusted sources, my client Mr. Gates is said variously to have: - Monopolized the software industry, thereby seizing the entire free world "by the nasties." - Been forced to rebuild, or upgrade, his new mansion, as a result of numerous bugs encountered in the first $40 million beta version. - Changed places with an idiot savant who nonetheless duplicated all of my client's greatest achievements. - Failed to bond with the President of the United States despite the President's determined efforts to do so during a golfing twosome. - Impersonated a woman online for the purpose of having virtual sex with the CEO of a fast food franchise. Obviously, Mr. Deep, I must remind you that this is America, and that, in America, by law, you may not satirize, hold up for parody, or otherwise make light of in any way the very good name and reputation of my client Mr. Gates. Should you persist in your efforts to publish in this regard I will be compelled to take legal action against you and your offending expression. Moreover, at this time, there are quite a number of other geeks than but yourself who concern my client. Indeed, we are already and immediately involved in litigation with Borland, which alleges that Mr. Gates stole that company's brainiest geeks; with Ticketmaster, which alleges that Mr. Gates infringed on the trademark of its geek website; and with geek Attorneys General at Federal and State offices who make all manner of nuisance, alleging repeated and pervasive anti-trust practice. And now, I expect, we will very soon be involved in litigation with that geek Scott McNealy at Sun Microsystems, who will claim that Mr. Gates did sign an "agreement" with Mr. McNealy, and that, for this reason, Mr. Gates did actually "agree" to anything, that is, other than what he had previously agreed to, namly, to do only what he damn well pleases. NOTWITHSTANDING THE ABOVE: should you, Johnny Deep, now be added to this list of geeks so foolish as to oppose my client William Gates III, I assure you -- you will find no humor in the consequences. Regards, etc., W. G. II, Esq. cc: WG III' JOIN THE FIGHT OF A LIFETIME! - Receive news of GATES v. GEEKS! as it occurs at www.the-geek.com. Please distribute this post as appropriate.