IBM To Sell Informix
Not a technical problem at all: the original poster published a satirical fake press release claiming IBM would finally market and sell Informix (Walmart kiosks, iTunes downloads, Informix cheerleaders), poking fun at IBM's perceived neglect of the brand. Replies mostly discussed whether such a parody was wise, citing the old United Airlines story that Google resurfaced and tanked the stock, plus a 'parity'/'parody' typo joke. No technical issue and no resolution — just banter about IBM's weak Informix marketing.
Auto-generated by DrWatson from the posts below — may be imperfect; read the full thread.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE (AP) Armnonk, NY -- In what appears to be a complete reversal of fortune for the beleagured database division of IBM known as Informix, IBM today announced that they will indeed start marketing the entire product line of database products under the Informix brand. Officials laid out what amounted to an actual marketing and sales strategy reminiscent of software announcements and developer programs in the 1990's. "We were very pleased with the decision to actually market Informix", said an anonymous source close to the very top at IBM. "This will change everything, because most database products out there are not capable of what the Informix product line can do. It will be an attractive alternative to other more costly products out there, especially as the major financial markets tank. We think in this global market and current financial climate it will do extremely well". DB2 officals were not available for comment. Others close to the Informix brand said that people can expect to start seeing ads appearing in major trade magazines, online, and in Walmart stores, where Informix will be sold and dispensed directly from an in-store kiosk. Walmart is one of the few companies actually interested in and using Informix, and has been instrumental in its survival. The kiosks will dispense the complete product for free, with the option to pay for support if desired. "We know we're in a minority, but hey, we're big, and IBM likes big, officials said". Informix will be shrink-wrapped with recycled materials Microsoft and Oracle were rumored to have supplied unwittingly. IBM noted this was a stealth project for the past 10 years, as new features and bugs were worked on. "We sell no database before its time", noted yet another anonymous IBMer. "Informix truly is the database with invisibility built in.". Informix, once at the top of the top of database products, all but disappeared from the scene after IBM purchased the company almost 10 years ago. Since the purchase, few believed that it would ever be seen again. Today that appears to have changed. "You will indeed see pigs fly", remarked one Informix developer who did not wish to be identified. Apple has also shown interest in making Informix available as a download on iTunes. There have also been rumors of an Informix calendar, complete with the Informix cheerleaders, but this has not been substantiated. IBM would not comment on the cheerleaders other than to say that they are in talks at the moment with American Idol and the producers of the TV show Lost. IBM Senior executives were not available for comment. -- IBM is a trademark of International Business Machines. Informix is pwned by IBM. Walmart is a trademark too and spends big bux on IBM. --
On Sep 21, 10:50 pm, InDeep <ind...@indeep.com> wrote: > FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE > > (AP) Armnonk, NY -- In what appears to be a complete reversal of fortune > for the beleagured database division of IBM known as Informix, IBM today > announced that they will indeed start marketing the entire product line of > database products under the Informix brand. Officials laid out what > amounted to an actual marketing and sales strategy reminiscent of software > announcements and developer programs in the 1990's. > > "We were very pleased with the decision to actually market Informix", said > an anonymous source close to the very top at IBM. "This will change everything, > because most database products out there are not capable of what the Informix > product line can do. It will be an attractive alternative to other more > costly products out there, especially as the major financial markets tank. We > think in this global market and current financial climate it will do extremely > well". DB2 officals were not available for comment. > > Others close to the Informix brand said that people can expect to start seeing ads > appearing in major trade magazines, online, and in Walmart stores, where Informix > will be sold and dispensed directly from an in-store kiosk. Walmart is one of the > few companies actually interested in and using Informix, and has been instrumental > in its survival. The kiosks will dispense the complete product for free, with > the option to pay for support if desired. "We know we're in a minority, but hey, > we're big, and IBM likes big, officials said". Informix will be shrink-wrapped > with recycled materials Microsoft and Oracle were rumored to have supplied > unwittingly. IBM noted this was a stealth project for the past 10 years, > as new features and bugs were worked on. "We sell no database before its time", > noted yet another anonymous IBMer. "Informix truly is the database with > invisibility built in.". > > Informix, once at the top of the top of database products, all but disappeared > from the scene after IBM purchased the company almost 10 years ago. Since the > purchase, few believed that it would ever be seen again. Today that appears to > have changed. "You will indeed see pigs fly", remarked one Informix developer > who did not wish to be identified. > > Apple has also shown interest in making Informix available as a download on > iTunes. There have also been rumors of an Informix calendar, complete with > the Informix cheerleaders, but this has not been substantiated. IBM would not > comment on the cheerleaders other than to say that they are in talks at the > moment with American Idol and the producers of the TV show Lost. > > IBM Senior executives were not available for comment. > > -- > > IBM is a trademark of International Business Machines. > Informix is pwned by IBM. > Walmart is a trademark too and spends big bux on IBM. > > -- Even as a parity, you should be careful when you make a post like this. Just asked "You Screwed the Pooch Dex".
Ian Michael Gumby wrote: > On Sep 21, 10:50 pm, InDeep <ind...@indeep.com> wrote: > >> FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE >> >> (AP) Armnonk, NY -- In what appears to be a complete reversal of fortune >> for the beleagured database division of IBM known as Informix, IBM today >> announced that they will indeed start marketing the entire product line of >> database products under the Informix brand. Officials laid out what >> amounted to an actual marketing and sales strategy reminiscent of software >> announcements and developer programs in the 1990's. >> >> "We were very pleased with the decision to actually market Informix", said >> an anonymous source close to the very top at IBM. "This will change everything, >> because most database products out there are not capable of what the Informix >> product line can do. It will be an attractive alternative to other more >> costly products out there, especially as the major financial markets tank. We >> think in this global market and current financial climate it will do extremely >> well". DB2 officals were not available for comment. >> >> Others close to the Informix brand said that people can expect to start seeing ads >> appearing in major trade magazines, online, and in Walmart stores, where Informix >> will be sold and dispensed directly from an in-store kiosk. Walmart is one of the >> few companies actually interested in and using Informix, and has been instrumental >> in its survival. The kiosks will dispense the complete product for free, with >> the option to pay for support if desired. "We know we're in a minority, but hey, >> we're big, and IBM likes big, officials said". Informix will be shrink-wrapped >> with recycled materials Microsoft and Oracle were rumored to have supplied >> unwittingly. IBM noted this was a stealth project for the past 10 years, >> as new features and bugs were worked on. "We sell no database before its time", >> noted yet another anonymous IBMer. "Informix truly is the database with >> invisibility built in.". >> >> Informix, once at the top of the top of database products, all but disappeared >> from the scene after IBM purchased the company almost 10 years ago. Since the >> purchase, few believed that it would ever be seen again. Today that appears to >> have changed. "You will indeed see pigs fly", remarked one Informix developer >> who did not wish to be identified. >> >> Apple has also shown interest in making Informix available as a download on >> iTunes. There have also been rumors of an Informix calendar, complete with >> the Informix cheerleaders, but this has not been substantiated. IBM would not >> comment on the cheerleaders other than to say that they are in talks at the >> moment with American Idol and the producers of the TV show Lost. >> >> IBM Senior executives were not available for comment. >> >> -- >> >> IBM is a trademark of International Business Machines. >> Informix is pwned by IBM. >> Walmart is a trademark too and spends big bux on IBM. >> >> -- >> > > Even as a parity, you should be careful when you make a post like > this. > Really? I thought it was a parody. -- Cheers, Obnoxio the Clown http://obotheclown.blogspot.com
On Sep 22, 7:00 am, Obnoxio The Clown <obno...@serendipita.com> wrote: > > > Even as a parity, you should be careful when you make a post like > > this. > > Really? I thought it was a parody. > Parity? Sorry, I posted before my morning coffee and the parity bit flag was set to on. :-) Yes, you are correct. a parody. But a poor one at that. Suppose that it was actually picked up on a news report? Did you see the one where Google picked up a 6 month old news story on United Airlines which caused it stock to tank? Sometimes there are certain jokes that should remain unsaid. ;-)
Ian Michael Gumby wrote: > On Sep 21, 10:50 pm, InDeep <ind...@indeep.com> wrote: >> FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE >> >> (AP) Armnonk, NY -- In what appears to be a complete reversal of fortune >> for the beleagured database division of IBM known as Informix, IBM today >> announced that they will indeed start marketing the entire product line of >> database products under the Informix brand. Officials laid out what >> amounted to an actual marketing and sales strategy reminiscent of software >> announcements and developer programs in the 1990's. >> >> "We were very pleased with the decision to actually market Informix", said >> an anonymous source close to the very top at IBM. "This will change everything, >> because most database products out there are not capable of what the Informix >> product line can do. It will be an attractive alternative to other more >> costly products out there, especially as the major financial markets tank. We >> think in this global market and current financial climate it will do extremely >> well". DB2 officals were not available for comment. >> >> Others close to the Informix brand said that people can expect to start seeing ads >> appearing in major trade magazines, online, and in Walmart stores, where Informix >> will be sold and dispensed directly from an in-store kiosk. Walmart is one of the >> few companies actually interested in and using Informix, and has been instrumental >> in its survival. The kiosks will dispense the complete product for free, with >> the option to pay for support if desired. "We know we're in a minority, but hey, >> we're big, and IBM likes big, officials said". Informix will be shrink-wrapped >> with recycled materials Microsoft and Oracle were rumored to have supplied >> unwittingly. IBM noted this was a stealth project for the past 10 years, >> as new features and bugs were worked on. "We sell no database before its time", >> noted yet another anonymous IBMer. "Informix truly is the database with >> invisibility built in.". >> >> Informix, once at the top of the top of database products, all but disappeared >> from the scene after IBM purchased the company almost 10 years ago. Since the >> purchase, few believed that it would ever be seen again. Today that appears to >> have changed. "You will indeed see pigs fly", remarked one Informix developer >> who did not wish to be identified. >> >> Apple has also shown interest in making Informix available as a download on >> iTunes. There have also been rumors of an Informix calendar, complete with >> the Informix cheerleaders, but this has not been substantiated. IBM would not >> comment on the cheerleaders other than to say that they are in talks at the >> moment with American Idol and the producers of the TV show Lost. >> >> IBM Senior executives were not available for comment. >> >> -- >> >> IBM is a trademark of International Business Machines. >> Informix is pwned by IBM. >> Walmart is a trademark too and spends big bux on IBM. >> >> -- > > Even as a parity, you should be careful when you make a post like > this. > Just asked "You Screwed the Pooch Dex". I thought the cheerleader part was a nice touch. And using "beleaguered" was too. Informix was always beleaguered, and suffering... and and and invisible! *<8o)
On Sep 22, 6:59 am, Ian Michael Gumby <im_gu...@hotmail.com> wrote: > On Sep 22, 7:00 am, Obnoxio The Clown <obno...@serendipita.com> wrote: > > > Even as a parity, you should be careful when you make a post like > > > this. > > > Really? I thought it was a parody. > > Parity? Sorry, I posted before my morning coffee and the parity bit > flag was set to on. :-) > > Yes, you are correct. a parody. But a poor one at that. Suppose that > it was actually picked up on a news report? > > Did you see the one where Google picked up a 6 month old news story on > United Airlines which caused it stock to tank? Not 6 months - 6 years! > Sometimes there are certain jokes that should remain unsaid. ;-) -=JL=-
> From: jonathan.leffler@gmail.com> > Did you see the one where Google picked up a 6 month old news story on> > United Airlines which caused it stock to tank?> > Not 6 months - 6 years!> Time is somewhat relative and subjective. ;-) 6 months, 6 years. No big difference when you look at the bigger picture. ;-) The point is that one should be careful when doing a parody. As to ID's point, yes, the user crowd is full of cheerleaders who don't see the bigger picture. Instead of saying "but hey! what do I know", I think I'll leave with this tag line. "IDS - A product owned by IBM, yet IBM can not sell ..." (How do you sell a product you know nothing about?) -G _________________________________________________________________ Stay up to date on your PC, the Web, and your mobile phone with Windows Live. http://clk.atdmt.com/MRT/go/msnnkwxp1020093185mrt/direct/01/